Tell Us Your Story I know that I was very young when I was first abused. My mom found my underclothes had been put back on me inside-out because I was still too young to dress myself. My abuser had redressed me the same way that he redressed his younger sister after he had abused her too. I remember the shame and crying because I knew that this was something wrong and dangerous and that no one else should know about it. My abuse had warned me that others wouldn't understand. My mom never asked me any questions about it, she just stayed silent.
My dad also abused me when he came home drunk. He would sit me on his knee and slide his hand up the leg of my short trousers and ask me if I liked it. Mom was never looking in our direction at the time. I tried telling her once and she just shouted at me. That was worse than what my dad did. I remember wanting to have total silence and be alone, but I was too short to reach the switch of the television to turn it off. Childhood sexual abuse left me with a silent and heavy secret fear that someone might find out and I would be seen as different and dirty from that point on. No one would believe me or understand. Part of my shameful secret was that part of me enjoyed the attention and physical contact.
I have been attending a Mosaic meeting for some months. I have also started seeing a Counsellor. I'm beginning to understand why I don't have the social skills that allows me to "Mix and Mingle" with enjoyment and confidence. I'm starting to see where my silent rages come from and why I don't assert myself in an adult and healthy manner. I'm discovering things about myself that I was in denial about. Most importantly, I'm realising that it was not my fault. I am restoring good parts of myself that were lost and damaged. I'm beginning to like myself and realise that I'm a worthwhile person. Reaching out for help is not easy, but I'm glad that I did.