Mosaic-Tiaki Tangata
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Anonymous Survivor Story:
'Leave It In The Past'
Why Do You Want To Tell Your Story?
I have finally accepted it, and want to get it off my chest to leave it in the past
I have finally accepted it, and want to get it off my chest to leave it in the past
Tell Us Your Story
I was sexually assaulted by a female friend.
I was drunk when they started performing oral sex on me. I completely froze for what felt like hours. I just never saw it coming. I had been raped by a man when I was younger but I never expected it from them; a close friend. They knew I had been raped, and they knew I was asexual. Its like they chose me because they knew I would let it happen.
When I finally came out of my frozen state I pretended to come and then left. I have huge memory gaps; how my pants came off, what was happening when I was frozen etc. I had so much alcohol that night, I wouldn't be surprised if I was actually drifting in and out of consciousness.
When I finally told them how I felt about it, they started telling people that I raped them, and everyone believes them because of our genders. I have tried to take my own life because of it. I am scared of running into them everywhere. For the longest time physical contact with men scared me, but now because of them, everyone scares me. I don't know if I can ever have a physical relationship with someone again. I don't even want people to hug me or shake my hand anymore. I get triggered multiple times every day, and sometimes it feels like I've been transported back in time and I'm being assaulted all over again. I don't know how to end this really, except to say you are not alone to anyone like me who is reading this.
I was sexually assaulted by a female friend.
I was drunk when they started performing oral sex on me. I completely froze for what felt like hours. I just never saw it coming. I had been raped by a man when I was younger but I never expected it from them; a close friend. They knew I had been raped, and they knew I was asexual. Its like they chose me because they knew I would let it happen.
When I finally came out of my frozen state I pretended to come and then left. I have huge memory gaps; how my pants came off, what was happening when I was frozen etc. I had so much alcohol that night, I wouldn't be surprised if I was actually drifting in and out of consciousness.
When I finally told them how I felt about it, they started telling people that I raped them, and everyone believes them because of our genders. I have tried to take my own life because of it. I am scared of running into them everywhere. For the longest time physical contact with men scared me, but now because of them, everyone scares me. I don't know if I can ever have a physical relationship with someone again. I don't even want people to hug me or shake my hand anymore. I get triggered multiple times every day, and sometimes it feels like I've been transported back in time and I'm being assaulted all over again. I don't know how to end this really, except to say you are not alone to anyone like me who is reading this.
- Anonymous
