Anonymous Survivor Story: 'I'm Not Sure If This Happened or Not'
Why Do You Want To Tell Your Story? I don't know, I'm not sure if this happened or not. It has just been mentioned by a friend that I share characteristics with people who have been abused, and I would like to talk about it with a supportive community.
Tell Us Your Story I can't remember being sexually abused, I do remember having recurring nightmares of sex at a very young age around 5-12 with women who held a powerful position in my life. E.G. mother and teachers.
I would dream I was affectionate with them, then feel betrayed like they were using me and then I'd hit them out of anger. They would transform into the cat lady I was afraid of since I was 4, she would hunt me down in my nightmares.
I wouldn't wake up until I was dead or caught, sometimes fought her, other times I hid. I never understood what these dreams could of meant until I described it to my supervisor last month, they referred to me feeling affection towards my mother but feeling betrayed and angry from not getting it back.
Recently, my sister had shared that she was abused at a very young age ongoing till she was 10 by our mother. That hit me quite hard - the hurt she had been feeling this whole time, and how I hadn't noticed.
I'm unsure whether the rest of the family received this abuse too.
We have been placed around men as kids who are now convicted pedophiles and child sex offenders. A memory the family shares of me was when I was around 4 or 5. We went to a family friends home who went to the same church, I don't remember, but my siblings brought up that I came up to everyone in the lounge and said that **** touched my penis' and it was laughed off.
It made everyone embarrassed, especially myself. Even though I don't remember it I questioned why would a four year old make that up? Now my sister has opened up on her experience, I look back on that time, and think that maybe it did happen to me.